Wonky little shitbag

Prior to my watching the wholly disappointing movie that was Sublime, I was talking to some of my friends about it and how it would supposedly kill parts of me I didn't know I had. One such friend said that description reminded her of a book that had a similar effect on her. I forgot about it, because my memory sucks like that, especially after the movie sucked so much ass. But one day, she comes into the call boards (I hang out with theater people as the resident English major), and she hands me the book. Last night, I was feeling particularly bored with Nick@Nite being delayed due to the Kid's Choice Awards, so I started to read.

Crooked Litte Vein by Warren Ellis is a first-person detective story written by a British comic book artist. The story follows Michael McGill who has been hired by the White House Chief of Staff to find a secret US Constitution that has the power to erase all the perversion from the country. He meets up with a little nympho college student, Trix, who becomes his assistant/ sidekick/fuck-buddy as they travel the country diving into some seriously fucked up stuff that--I will say now--definitely had the potential to kill me a little inside.

The writing was great, as far as I'm concerned. Very big on detail, funny quips, and he has so many ways to describe a way someone smiles it's almost unnerving. His dialog between characters is great, from McGill talking with a serial killer on a plane to his chapter-long back-and-forth with Trix. I had to remind myself I wasn't reading a Chuck Palahniuk novel, the style was very similar, But Ellis had one thing that Chuck never will, and thats the ability to be tragic. I mean, Chuck Palahniuk has tragic moments and all that, but they're bookended by sardonic nihilism which is his style and that's why I love him, but the tragic moments in this were amazing. As were the touching moments, and we mustn't forget the fact that I am literally convinced that Warren Ellis was writing about me. Mike McGill is called a shit magnet--someone who has all those big awful things that everyone experiences once in their lives happen to him all the goddamn time. He is the guy who falls for the girl who likes him, wants him, and sleeps with him, but won't stop being with everyone else either. And he reacts the same way I would! I mean, seriously, I literally kept reading to find out whether or not I die at the end.

The book didn't always follow proper grammar, but it was part of the style! There was one run-on sentence that literally went for about a page, explaining Boyfriend Things, but it was brilliant. The end of the book was a bit of a let-down for me. The writing still descriptive and engaging, but the style was lost. It picked up here and there, but the ending, while very clever and kind of unexpected, lacked the wit of the rest of the story. Except the last chapter, which was all of two paragraphs and funny as hell.

So, with the help of my friend and a two-year-old novel, I finally found something that killed a tiny little piece of me inside. Fuck that piece, who needs it? Besides, you know, people with hearts, feelings, love, or dreams.

-Evan "Dez" O'Connor