The Big Reviewski

Way back in the nineties there was this movie I wanna tell ya about. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense. But then again, maybe that's why I found it so darned interestin'. 'Course I ain't never been to London, and I ain't never seen France. And I ain't never seen no queen in her damned undies, so the feller says. But I'll tell you what--after seeing this movie, and writing this here review I'm about to unfold, well, I guess I seen somethin' every bit as stupefyin' as you'd seen in any of them other places. And in English, too. So I can die with a smile on my face, without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. Now this here review I'm about to unfold is about a movie took place in the early '90s--just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the I-raqis. I only mention it because sometimes there's a movie...I won't say a classic, 'cause, what's a classic? Sometimes, there's a movie. Sometimes, there's a movie, well, it's the movie for its time and place. It fits right in there. And even if it's a crazy movie--and it was most certainly that. Quite possibly the craziest in all of nineties comedies, which would place it high in the runnin' for craziest of all time. Sometimes there's a movie, sometimes, there's a movie. Well, I lost my train of thought here. But...aw, hell. I've done introduced it enough.

The Big Lebowski (1998) is the movie for the nineties, but you should seriously have realized that by now. Even being the film buff I am now, there are some classic movies that I have simply not had the opportunity to see. The Big Lebowski formerly among them, this list also includes Citizen Kane, all the Godfather movies, any of the Rocky movies, or any of the Nightmare on Elm Street films being doubly surprising to my love for horror. I simply never had to opportunity to see any of these films and only kind of passively desire to do so. Someday, when I own every DVD I want this will all be solved. Some films that will be on that list include all of Sam Raimi's horror films, and everything the Coen brothers have done.

The Big Lebowski is a film by the Coen brothers based on someone they actually encountered. Although the events in the movie are all based on "What if this happened to our friend?" and then wrote out the scenario, it is still boggling to wrap my head around that. The film is narrated through Sam Elliott drawl. It stars the likes of Jeff Bridges, John Goodman, and Steve Buscemi. Written and directed by Ethan and Joel Coen, they employed Carter Burwell (score for In Bruges and Where the Wild Things Are to his credit) for the music. The team behind this film is pretty genius, and the movie shapes up to live up to it.

The movie, if you haven't seen it, is about the Dude who shares a name with a rich-as-hell gentleman with no legs. This leads to a mix up that ends with the Duder's rug being peed on. This leads to a screwball comedy the likes of Dude, Where's My Car or The Hangover, but pulls it off better than both--perhaps because it was here first. The character Jeff Bridges portrays as the Dude is brilliant, being a stoner with a love for White Russians, Creedence Clearwater Revival, and bowling but is still smart enough to unravel this retardedly complex scheme that pretty much ends with him being screwed over and then comes out on top of it with the help of his psychotic friends.

The writing needed in order to achieve that in a something you need or your movie is going to fail, and has to have an ending worth all of it. The Coen brothers did everything they could with the story, with directing to match the sky-high spirit of the film. T-Bone Burnett, the person responsible for the songs chosen for the soundtrack of the film, made the perfect movie choices; they went perfectly with the Coen's directing and matched the mood and you know what--I hate the Eagles too.

The Big Lebowski is a movie that you should see if you haven't already. Sure, you may think The Hangover was better and that's okay--you have the right to think that. It just doesn't make you any more wrong, if only because the Dude actually exists somewhere. The Coen brother's use their powers of writing and directing to make a purely enjoyable movie, and this movie is probably their best comedy. To those offended, I pledge to see The Godfather soon. I will probably not review it.

-Evan "Dez" O'Connor

Paging The Doctor to the Red Planet

Seven long months have gone by since I have seen a new Doctor Who episode. This is unacceptable. Finally the new episode comes, and I know nothing about it. I avoid Doctor Who spoilers like the plague, because I want to feel the excitement of watching the story unfold without any expectations or knowledge of where the story is going, save for what they show in the "Next time..." trailers at the end of the episodes. I waited and waited, as did others, but I believe I may be the first among my group of friends to see what has been the third episode of Doctor Who since Christmas of 2008.

The Waters of Mars brought a lot to the table for The Doctor as a character, and the writers of the program. It being the first thing Russell T Davies has done since the Torchwood miniseries over the summer, which showed a lot of talent in its own right. I was looking forward to something tense and gripping just like Children of Earth was. The Waters of Mars delivered what I wanted from it--mostly.

The story goes as The Doctor lands on Mars, he comes to arrive at the knowledge that he landed on a very important date--like Volcano Day. He's forced to walk away, in one of the best directed Doctor Who scenes I have ever seen by the way of Graeme Harper, the longest serving member of the Doctor Who crew, having started directing for the series in 1963. He is overcome by a wave of what can only be called arrogance, and becomes a Doctor I'm not quite comfortable with, at least not as played by David Tennant. The episode ends and the Time Lord has returned to his original philosophy, but he goes through a amazing build to this point of view that really doesn't feel right to the character at all. Usually, when the series does something that doesn't quite make sense it all comes together in an amazing crescendo at the end, which I am definitely looking forward to.

The directing, as already said, is some of the best I have seen of any of the series. Russell T. Davies' writing also lived up to my expectations. The story was well-done, especially bringing up what's happened in previous specials, the growth of the character, and leading into David Tennant's last episodes as The Doctor with fervor. It may have been one of Tennant's best performances in the series, and the ensemble of Lindsay Duncan and company matches the best of any of his companions, especially with the part of Adelaide Brooke.

Luckily, the next two episodes are airing within a month and a half. Doctor Who is an amazing accomplishment in television, and the new series continues to live up to its traditions. The special episodes, tracking The Doctor's final journey's without companions are still lacking in the way that they are not a proper season, only airing five stories with anywhere from one to seven months between them. Once the specials are done, I'll stop reviewing each Doctor Who episode.

-Evan "Dez" O'Connor

CoD fOr ToO

Where EA used to be the company that would only publish the same crap every year and screw the consumer and comedy outlets out of fun and money, Activision has very clearly taken its place while Electronic Arts continues to lighten up and come out with some really good games and deals. I really dislike giving Activision money by buying their games and have literally waited to buy them used just to avoid giving CEO Robert Kotick another dime. Kotick, if you didn't know, tried to get EA to not publish Brütal Legend by suing, claiming that they still had rights to it--which Activision obviously did not. Kotick said, when asked about the high prices of bundles such as Guitar Hero, DJ Hero, and Tony Hawk: Ride, "If it were up to me, I'd raise the prices even further." He has openly said that his mission is to take the fun out of video games. I just have a problem supporting another asshole, despite the quality of the product. However, I made an exception for this game.

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 (Xbox 360/PlayStation 3) is just about the biggest game release ever. Going back to Infinity Ward, the original makers of Call of Duty, the series has been made by another company called Treyarch who made Call of Duty 3 and Call of Duty: World At War. Their games are nowhere near as good as Infinity Ward's, but Activision loves making money on people who don't know any better. CoD4:2 had an obvious amount of hype surrounding it, which was realistically all deserved.

The single-player campaign is as short as you have heard: about six hours on normal difficulty. This is not a bad thing. It has some epically intense moments, including the ridiculously stressful and awesome crescendo of the game. The landmarks of the game do include some pretty grotesque scenes, including the "terrorist level" that you have to kill an airport full of civilians, but those traumatized by certain events do have the option of skipping out of them. The story of Infinity Ward's games have always been spectacular, but I feel like they pushed it a bit far in this one. It was just on the other side of realistic, where there stories have always had to do with World War II history in the past or with Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare it was a super-realistic look at the world's battle against terrorism. Modern Warfare 2 has set-pieces that make your jaw drop to the floor, but when everything comes together it seems less genuine than some of their other storylines. The campaign mode, still, has a lot of replay value--especially on the higher difficulties.

Infinity Ward's answer to Activision putting zombie levels in Saint's Row 2 and Call of Duty: World at War was the new Special Ops mode, which is twenty-three co-op or single-player missions using set-pieces from the Modern Warfare games. Each mission has a possibility of three-star ranks, depending on the difficulty level or how well you do in the mission. Unlocking stars unlocks new Special Ops missions and it's like that. It's actually a very fun mode to just poke around with, and the story is just as simple as "Complete objective" which is usually "Kill people and run your stupid ass to the end."

The multiplayer is new and improved, but I unfortunately have very little to say about it. I don't play a lot of multiplayer, but from those that I've heard from it's amazing Xbox Live didn't crash after all the people swarming online to play it. The killstreaks are easier and they've added a new deathstreak feature, where you can get perks from dying a certain number of times so you can recover from utter defeat if you know how. Most people bought the game for this function, but if you did then you already know that Call of Duty multiplayer has always been some of the best and you already know that you'll like it.

The soundtrack was done by Hans Zimmer. For those who are unfamiliar: Pirates of the Caribbean, The Dark Knight, The Last Samurai, Gladiator, do I need to go on? Saying this soundtrack is epic doesn't do it justice. The score forces you to play the game--it drives you through the blood-spattered screen. It is among the most impressive music in an action game and I really can't stress that enough.

Despite Activision's constant douchebaggery, the game is worth every penny. Between single-player story that blows the mind, Special Op co-op missions, and multiplayer, this game is good for every gaming mood you happen to be in--unless you want something less shooty and something more stabby or role-playing-y. As was a possibility, this may have beaten Brütal Legend as far as my game of the year goes. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 builds on the perfection that Infinity Ward made with first-person shooters with the first Modern Warfare. The game is win. Don't let it get away.

-Evan "Dez" O'Connor

Hithchiker's Guide to the Apocalypse

The new update schedule is going to go something like this: music reviews will be posted on Tuesdays; video game reviews will be posted on Wednesdays; movie reviews will be posted on Fridays; and UFC, concerts, live events, other random things I just want to review will be posted on Saturday. Reviews will be posted at noon on each of the days. They will not be posted every day or every week, but it is a loose schedule of each type of review. This just saves the worry of me getting clogged up with work and there not being any posts for two months like last time.

For veteran readers, it is already known that I am an enjoyer of horror movies. What you may not know because I don't remember if I mentioned it is that I particularly enjoy zombie-themed horror. Oddly enough, however, I prefer Silent Hill to Resident Evil and I hated the second and third movies. This zombie movie may be one of the better movies I've seen produced in 2009, but that may be because everything else I've seen besides District 9 has been complete garbage. This, like Brütal Legend for video games, may be my movie of the year.

Zombieland (2009) is the highest grossing zombie film in history. Hot damn. It has Woody Harrelson, who is pure badass; it has a Jesse Eisenberg who's trying to be an age-appropriate Michael Cera; Abigail Breslin, who was cuter than hell in Little Miss Sunshine, is a little badass herself; and then someone named Emma Stone whose work I'm not altogether familiar with. It's written by a guy who did stuff for Spike TV and then comedies for MTV. It was directed by a guy who has literally done nothing before hand. It could have been a disaster, or it could be the highest grossing zombie film in history.

This film has the ultimate winning combination of dry humor, over-the-top humor, sage-like advice, depressing moments, pure badass, and naive cuteness along with the writing of someone who apparently know how all of these get put together and a director who knows how to make it look absolutely amazing on screen. The shaky-cam directing really works for Zombieland, and the writing explains the epic zombie incursion by way of sketchy hamburger. Realistic? Maybe. I know a guy who went blind from eating a bad burger--no joke. Funny? Pretty much, yeah. Innocuous dangers are always amusing. Scary? You bet your ass. I like hamburgers. This is about as close as you're going to get for a Left 4 Dead movie you're ever going to get.

Acting, again, is perfect for every mood of the film. The cast, plus the unbelievable cameos, all rock the hell out of this movie. Even after the film, Woody Harrelson attacked a guy in an airport saying he was still in character and thought it was a zombie. Or he was just high. He likes hanging out on the cover of High Times, or so I hear. Badass. Or stoned. Whatever. Mr. BM (not spoiling a cameo, not matter what) does what he does best and amazes the hell out of comedy-watching audiences. Jesse Eisenberg really is a poor man's Michael Cera, but he does a good job with it. Abigail Breslin rocks the part of angry twelve-year-old with a gun, but I found the acting of Emma Stone as her "sister" is a little weak--but not weak enough to draw away from the qualities of this movie.

The movie could have been a summer blockbuster, but the reasons for the October release is obvious, what with Halloween and all. Absolutely worth seeing in theaters, buying it on Blu-ray, and seeing the musical if they ever make one. Unless something dethrones it, I foresee this as my movie of the year. After seeing this movie, you will learn who you gonna call.

-Evan "Dez" O'Connor

When Mars Attacks

My job as a keyholder at a video game store has certain perks. Any game that we get used I'm allowed to try to for free for a few days, I'm pretty much the first in line at midnight releases, and I have access to demos and betas that we get for pre-orders. One such that was for a game that I, admittedly, had no real interest in but had to try to the demo for the sheer fact that it's so sought after.

God of War III E3 Demo (PlayStation 3) is something that you think someone like me should be interested in, but I found the first two kind of lacking in staying power. As impressive as they were, I found them pretty short and had too many frustrating puzzles like the goddamn fire one in God of War II which cut down on my desire to play through them again. But I got the demo, and I figured it was worth a play.

The demo is as sick as you think it would be. The graphics are fantastic--real lighting and fire graphics out of the Blades of Chaos, so you can actually light up a dark hallway with them. The gore is just as over-the-top as always, and does not disappoint for a second. The only spoiler I will mention: you eviscerate a centaur. There appears to be a new gameplay mechanic involved with jumping from stabbed harpy to other stabbed harpy which handles kind of crappy and is a pain and another where finding secrets via the rumble of a Dualshock becomes necessary and I'm not sure how into that I am for a God of War game. It ends on an epic note, somehow perfect for the series and yet lame at the same time.

You can get the demo a number of ways: work for Sony, pre-order from Amazon.com, Game Crazy, or GameStop, buy the God of War Collection which is coming out for the PS3 in a week, or buy District 9 on Blu-ray in December. I would suggest both of those ways as that movie is gonna look crazy on Blu-ray and even I believe I'm going to invest in the collection, especially if the graphics are updated to the point God of War III is shaping up to look, because it looks fantastic. I love reasons to play my PlayStation 3, of which I do not nearly have enough of.

-Evan "Dez" O'Connor

Horn-abüse

When there's an update on a Wednesday, it's going to be about a video game. That's the first rule of this new release format I just invented for the rebirth of the review blog.

I could not have cared less about this game during its production, despite being fans of the company that makes the game, the person who wrote the game, the person who voiced the lead character, and the subject matter. After realizing all of this and playing the demo, I kind of lost it and went nuts for this game.

Brütal Legend (Xbox 360/PlayStation 3) is the first game Tim Schafer has made in four years. Tim Schafer, other than being the founder of Double Fine Productions which has only released Psychonauts before Brütal Legend, is a former writer for LucasArts where he wrote the Monkey Island series, Day of the Tentacle, Full Throttle, and Grim Fandango. Well, damn. With a list of games to your credit like that, why not buy anything he even looks at? Because he only releases two or three games a decade, it seems. Brütal Legend, his pièce de résistance, features Jack Black, tons of heavy metal, Ozzy Osbourne, Rob Halford, Lita Ford, Lemmy Kilmister, and did I mention the metal?

The story of the game is thus: the roadie to end all roadies works for this really awful band with the guy who did Invader Zim's voice on guitar, gets killed on stage and bleeds into his belt buckle which proceeds to come to life, kill the band, and Eddie Riggs (the previously mentioned roadie) wakes up in a church where there are monks trying to kill him with swords. Then the gameplay starts, but not without already instilling a great sense of humor. You are in a world of myth and metal, and must defeat the local wildlife and hemophiliacs. There are demons who work for a guy named Doviculus, and then there are glam/hair metal guys with a heavy metal Stewie Griffin character named Lionwhyte, and then a bunch of goth kids, and then back to the demon guys. The thought of returning you, Eddie, back to your world is dashed with a single "Pbbbbt" about twenty minutes into the game. The rest is too good to give away.

The gameplay is a cross between God of War, Fable II, and Grand Theft Auto III. It's hacky slashy fun, with different abilities (ie axe, guitar) mapped to different buttons that works pretty well, and you fly around at high speeds and crash into things with little to no damage to your car, only this time there's something other than Chatterbox to listen to. This time there's tons and tons of metal. About half-way through the game, you're introduced to a new battle mode--the Stage Battle. The first time you play it, it's pretty cool and fairly innovative. The second time you think, "Alright, I totally got this." By the third, fourth, fifth ones--the ones that dominate the last third or so of the game--it starts getting tiresome, old, and is reminiscent to real-time strategy games that I haven't been able to get into since Age of Empires II. This Stage Battle mode is also the only multiplayer mode. This is a giant looming black mark over the game, but is playable regardless. The "extra stuff" of the game is all the collection, hide and seek side quests, and find-the-hidden-item crap that is common in sandbox games, but Brütal Legend does it in a less offensive way by making them fairly easy to find and adding actual fun gameplay for reward for finding them. They mostly consist of unleash the metal dragons and kill the metal creatures.

For someone like myself, who can remember when he heard his first Ozzy Osbourne song and remembers the swell of metal within his chest, this game is an absolute must play. Brütal Legend is a legitimate contender for game of the year, as far as I'm concerned. The only things that can realistically change that is Borderlands, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, and possibly The Sabateur, but to be honest, none of them have the appeal they once did to me, save for CoD4:2. If you're into action adventure games, Tim Schafer, or metal at all, you are a fool to not buy and play this game to completion. It's a comedy/metal adventure that you'll never forget.

-Evan "Dez" O'Connor