Burseraceae

As much as I like British television, the BBC doesn't appear to like me. Their exporting of television borders on the completely unreasonable. I watched Being Human and was all about to write a review on the pilot, but it turned out to not be the actual pilot, and the whole first season had already been aired in England. The Doctor Who Easter special just recently aired here in the states, even. But for once--one shining moment--we were allowed to see some British programing in the same month as the Brits.

Torchwood: Children of Earth (2009) is the third season of the Doctor Who anagramtastic spin-off, Torchwood. The show did something similar to Doctor Who while only having five episodes, but where The Doctor is technically still clinging to its season four title, jumble up the letters a bit and Torchwood is had a five-part mini-series for its entire third season and all the episodes were broadcasted on consecutive nights. The show is different from Doctor Who such that it is much darker with lots of death, brutality, cursing, sex, and homosexuality. After spinning off after Doct Who's second season, the show has tied into the show relatively closely, using occasional mentioning of The Doctor, and even has Martha Jones as a guest in several episodes in season two. The prior two seasons were good enough to be associated with its former show, and the third season--even at half the length of a normal season and only one continuous story--was looking pretty goddamn good.

The story of Children of Earth is that all the children in the world stop moving and speaking in unison, heralding the arrival of visitors from outer space. The remaining members of Torchwood, Captain Jack Harkness (John Barrowman), Gwen Cooper (Eve Myles), and Ianto Jones (Gareth David-Lloyd) begin to investigate the occurrence when The Hub--their base of operations--blows up at the hands of the British government. Oh, yeah, and the bomb was inside Jack Harkness. The story continues through the next four episodes with driving action and story, and I really don't want to spoil anything, but it is absolutely worth watching.

The writing of Russell T. Davies is even better than a lot of his work with Doctor Who, and Eyros Lyn's directing is just as good as his best Who work. The acting was everything you'd come to expect from Torchwood, especially on the part of the children. One of my biggest peeves is that children actors can ruin segments of a show, such as some scenes of another favorite of mine: Weeds. But the kids in Children of Earth did really well; they were believable in the way that they were being possessed one minute and joking about it and not seeing the seriousness of all of it the next. The acting of Barrowman, Myles, and David-Lloyd rocked. Some of the parts were very emotional and the characters experienced great loss and sacrifice--and everyone pulled it off sublimely. Bringing Torchwood from Cardiff to London was a change from the series, but the mini-series was a great way in which to do that.

Davies has said that season four is ready to go so long as BBC signs off on it, and they would be feels not to. The show has a lot of life left in it, as does its predecessor, Doctor Who. Series in this canon have proven they can withstand massive cast changes, and Torchwood is ready.

-Evan "Dez" O'Connor

Co-headline

It's kind of clear that I review most of the same stuff over and over. Video games, movies, television, with an occasional review of a book or a restaurant. I try to be eclectic in my reviews, not always jerking off in the name of self-indulgence and actually talk about "new" and "interesting" things that people other than myself care about. With that in mind, I decided to write a review on two music albums that I find myself interested enough in to listen to that have been released in the last month.

Killswitch Engage II by Killswitch Engage (2009) is the second self-titled album by New England metalcore act, Killswitch Engage. To start, I need to bring up my personal biases by stating that I love Killswitch Engage. I've seen them live several times, hung out with Howard Jones (the singer of the group) worked many shows for them back when I worked for Roadrunner Records, and even have a line from one of their songs tattooed on my leg. So yeah; it's safe to say I'm a fan. Looking back, their first studio album, Alive or Just Breathing, and The End of Heartache were some of my favorite albums in high school, and As Daylight Dies rocked--but perhaps not as hard as the other two did.

Killswitch Engage II continued the unfortunate downfall set up for the music set up by 2006's release. From listening to the album for the better part of a month, it is very unimpressive. The writing and guitar work present in all their other work is severely understated, and the songs get downright repetitive. There are a few songs on the album that kick it up to something on par to what they usually do, but the songs are incredibly short. Some of the tracks on the new album are barely two and a half minutes long, which don't work with the slower pace of the songs present in this album. There are about two songs that stick in my head as being good, both of them very near the end of the album, and this is after trying very hard to find something about this album I liked.

Tri-Polar by the Sick Puppies (2009) is the Australian rock band's second major studio release, and again I love all that I had heard before from them. Dressed Up As Life was one of my favorite albums of 2007. So imagine my disappointment when another album from another band that I consider myself a fan of releases another (relatively) crap album two weeks after my favorite metalcore act.

This album does have a few more songs saving it from being all-around crap, but the first half of the album is near unlistenable if you're looking for the clever writing of their prior album. The vocals for the first half ot the album is also disagreeable--just shouting. Not screaming a la Killswitch Engage or Bleeding Through, and not the singing from the first album. It was just plain non-melodic shouting and that's not fun to listen to. The second half of the album is saved, and is more like the Sick Puppies of old. It's saved, but barely.

Both of these albums are good in their own rights. The problem I have is that neither of them meet up to the potential the bands have working for them, and it's clear in the music. This is why I rarely buy CDs anymore.

In news of upcoming reviews, it depends on how far I get in certain games, what movies or television I have time to watch, or books I spend time reading. I've been told my retro reviews are fun, so expect a review on one of my favorite video game series at some point, as well as some classic games I haven't played until recently. Pseudo-obscure movies are going to be big as always, and reviews of British mini-series and television pilots.

-Evan "Dez" O'Connor

Preyers

Most everyone has that game that is "the reason" they bought a next-generation console. Some people got it launch for no reason, sure, but the rest of us needed a reason to cash-in on our PS2s for the Xbox 360. For me, it was two games: Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, and a crazy first-person shooter that my tattoo artist introduced me to in my first hands-on experience with a 360.

Prey (2006) was a game that was supposed to be released around the same time as Duke Nukem Forever, but OH SNAP Prey ended up coming out after all. Belonging to the vaporware headliners, 3D Realms, the game was in production since 1995, originally supposed to be for the Nintendo 64. The main character went through name changes, the soundtrack went from KMFDM to something less industrial, and the graphics became some of the best I've ever seen on the Xbox 360--especially dating back to 2006. The demo had the first two levels and a bunch of multiplayer levels. The main reason this wasn't released thirteen years ago as opposed to only three years ago was what the game engine needs: variable gravities, portals that Valve would have trouble sinking their teeth into, and reflections in mirrors and the aforementioned portals that reality can barely talk shit to.

The story of the game is thus: you are a prick Cherokee who wants your girlfriend to move away from the reservation. She, along with your traditional Native American grandfather, like being a Cherokee and want to stay. Before you can start arguing too much about whether or not Cherokee beliefs are crap or not, aliens abduct you, kill your grandfather, and you must embrace your Cherokee abilities in stepping outside of your body, coming back to life after death, and following your dead pet hawk's ghost around. The shooting is functional, in the way that enemies fall down when you shoot them. The rest of the gameplay--especially the groundbreaking ones--work really well with environmental puzzles usually involving you needing to flip the gravity in the room, go through a specific portal, or use your out-of-body experiences to walk through otherwise impenetrable forcefields and press a button to turn them off.

The plot of the game definitely keeps you coming back, and is nearly absent of the frustrating segments that make some shooters near unplayable. Your ability to not die is done by every time you do die, you have to shoot some flying things with a bow and arrow to build your life back up, and then you respawn exactly where you were. A good way to avoid frustration while keeping the mid-life spat short and engaging, but, like a hooker on a virgin, it does suck all the challenge out of the game out. The only challenge of the game exists before you get the ability to access the spirit world and come back to life after shooting the Disgraced Ancestor, at least on Cherokee difficulty because the only difference between the two settings is that the harder one doesn't have health pick-ups. The story claiming that we're a species of seed planted by alien races so they could feed seems a bit far-reaching for aliens. There are far easier ways to make food.

The multiplayer is under-played now, and never really set worlds on fire in the first place. The game is much like The Darkness with its slightly innovative ideas (gravity shifting in Prey, imp crazy in The Darkness) still were not beating Gears of War and Halo 3--there were no Prey clans. Forgoing this one tacked one aspect of what fills the title of "the game", it is one of the most under-appreciated gems in the world of first person shooters.

The game received better than average reviews at the time of its release and has gotten several review references in my personal favorite, Zero Punctuation, as a good game. I've bought some titles for only that: nothing, but random random game cases that pop up whenever Yahtzee spouts off the words "good game" (by the way, expect a review of Beyond Good and Evil for the PS2 coming soon). But this game has a super low price tag (as does Beyond Good and Evil--find out if it's worth it, in the future when I finish it and write a review) so it's only a couple of bucks to play a great game.

When I bought an Xbox 360 and my two choice games it cost me, after Target employee discounts and Best Buy Rewards, three hundred dollars. This included the Xbox 360 Pro back when it was $400, Prey when it was priced at $59.99, and Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion Limited Edition was priced at $70. I got an awesome deal, even considering I've spent another hundred dollars on a new Elite and another four dollars on rebuying Prey after it became another casualty to the games that got traded in to something even more awesome, as I traded it towards Fallout 3. I was without the game for less than a year, and had to rebuy it--despite its flaws.

-Evan "Dez" O'Connor

Backspaced

Growing up, I thought British television was kind of lame. I didn't understand all the jokes, the accents bugged me (as a pre-teen/teenage watcher of television), and the quality of film always looked about ten years behind anything America was making. Now, of course, I realized how I wrong I was--despite still cringing anytime Absolutely Fabulous is mentioned. From my previous reviews, you know that I at least watch an unhealthy amount of Doctor Who, and presumably Torchwood. Past that, the only mention of British film is Simon Pegg who I will watch nearly anything he's been in. Case and point:

Spaced (1999-2001) was the underappreciated sitcom belonging to Simon Pegg, Jessica Hynes, and Edgar Wright--two writer/actors, and a director. To preface, this is the most recent thing I've watched despite it being the thing that gave all of them their names in show business. BBC gave nothing to the show, wishing it would just go away. They had a crappy time-slot, crappy advertising, and even went on hiatus for over a year in between the two seasons of the show. The show didn't even come back until after it became a huge hit and BBC begged them to come back, singing their praises. Spaced deserved praises to begin with. It's a show about two near-strangers looking for a place to live and pretend to be a professional couple so they can get an apartment together to ward off the fight of homelessness. They move in with creepy landlady, sketchy artist, and some friends drop by from time to time. And, oh, there are pop culture references galore, making the show fun for anyone who has watched and enjoyed anything from the 90s.

My roommate says I should leave this review with "Spaced is awesome" and end it, but I like to think I am somewhat more legitimate than that so I have to write a full review. The writing of the show by Simon Pegg and Jessica Hynes is done superbly. The pop culture references, the comedy, and--highlight--the impromptu gunfight in season two, among other amazing sequences all make the show unstoppable to watch. Edgar Wright's directing is equally well-done, showing his roots for his films like Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz. The series is often shot like a film, and (in an unusual choice for a television show) only uses one camera. Even the electronic soundtrack, which usually bugs the hell out of me, fit really well with the show and the near-constant drug references.

The acting by the Brits is what you would expect from Simon Pegg and his ilk. Pegg plays the perfect comic book/video game nerd (trust me, I know). Hynes plays the over-talkative, naive, a tad unstable crazy chick to a tee. Nick Frost as the gun enthusiast who stole a tank and tried to invade Paris before getting side-tracked in EuroDisney is a stroke of genius by the writers, director, and the actor himself. Mark Heap as the sketchy artist adds so much to the dynamic, especially when Pegg and Frost corrupt him little by little. The landlady played by Julia Deakin adds another creepy vibe, but in a different way. The part of the uppity fashion designer played by Katy Carmichael is actually really irritating, and I'm actually glad her part was relatively small. Otherwise, the cast does nothing but good in the name of comedy.

The season starts perfect and continues on in crescendos and pointless episodes that are still super entertaining. The series finale, on the other hand, seems to be one of the weakest episodes of the series. A third season has been rumored since 2001, even eight years later. I almost hope they don't, only because reviving a show after so long with the same actors--who would all love to regroup--would lose a lot, considering they explained the year-long hiatus...how do you explain one for eight plus? For the DVD portion of the show, my favorite part of it has to be the Homage-o-meter, which works like subtitles, but instead of seeing what they're saying, it tells you what pop-culture reference they're making in every scene. The hefty price tag of the British import DVD is well worth it.

As a side note, if anyone can score me a copy of the god awful pilot for the American version, let me know. I have a morbid curiosity that must be quenched.

-Evan "Dez" O'Connor

UFC 0b1100100

I don't like sports, but I do love fighting. The Ultimate Fighting Championship is a massive favorite of mine, as one may be able to tell based on the fact I reviewed the demo for the game, the game, and the best live event of 2008 in the side bar was for the UFC pay-per-view with George St. Pierre vs Jon Fitch--which was awesome, save for Brock Lesnar's stupid ass sitting on Heath Herring for a fifteen minutes. But I'm biased against that stupid prick, myself.

UFC 100 was last night as the one hundredth large UFC since it started in the early 90s. The fight card last night was pretty deserving of this centennial event with two title matches, an Ultimate Fighter grudge fight, the long awaited UFC debut of Yoshihiro Akiymaya, and an undercard featuring fighters like Jon Fitch, Stephan Bonnar, Mark Coleman, Mac Danzig, Dong Hyun Kim, and CB Dollaway. I'm only going to review the fights that I saw, being the four main card fights.

First was Yoshihiro Akiymaya vs Alan Belcher. Akiymaya was my pick to win, with his impressive history outside of the UFC and his crazy Judo. That's not to say that I didn't respect Alan Belcher, who has a lot of really impressive fights in the UFC, but he has a really stupid tattoo of Johnny Cash that looks like Muhammad Ali after he ate a whole lot of cake. Akiymaya controlled most of the fight, getting some good take-downs, landing the heaviest shots if not the most. Belcher landed one nasty superman punch by propelling himself off the cage, and good knockdown or two, but mostly cuz he hit Akiymaya while he was off balance and he quickly recovered. Yoshihiro won a split decision which color commentator Joe Rogan said after the announcement, "Belcher just got robbed." I was sitting in a room full of about four people who follow UFC really closely and two or three people who dabbled from time to time, and we all thought that Akiymaya kicked ass and totally deserved to win the fight. The judges chose correctly as far as I could see, and Joe Rogan, Mike Goldberg, and Alan Belcher should all realize that. At least it wasn't Dan "Hendo" Henderson winning the split with Rich "Ace" Franklin, which he absolutely did not deserve.

Speaking of Hendo, the next fight was the Ultimate Fighter coaches' fight. Dan Henderson vs Michael Bisping. As someone who tends to miss the whole show until the day of the finale and watches the season-long marathon, I saw Bisping on the show and he was a prick. I was pretty sure he was a prick before the show too, but I know he's a good fighter. As well as I know how good he is, i also know that Henderson is better. it only took one SICK right hand in the second round for it to be proven. Bisping kept circling to the right, which is not what you want to do if you--for example--want to avoid getting hit with Dan Henderson's meaty right fist.

The next fight was the first championship bout of UFC Welterweight Champion George "Rush" St. Pierre vs Thiago "The Pitbull" Alves. Alves is the this stupid-good muay thai and has beaten legend Matt Hughes with it. GSP did what GSP has been doing since his win against Matt Hughes, if you don't count his BS loss to Matt Serra, and thats run clinics. He makes people feel like they're training as a white belt again--and by people, I mean cyborgs like BJ "The Prodigy" Penn. So Thiago didn't stand much of a chance, but managed to make it all five rounds to lose by unanimous decision.

The last match was the one I was dreading, because if the outcome I wanted didn't happen, I may have killed everyone I was with in a rabid fit of rage. The main event was for the Undisputed Heavyweight Championship Brock Lesnar and Frank Mir, which is also a rematch between the stupid freaking asshole's first loss. You can tell who I'm talking about. So I've been dreading this fight, because if Brock Lesnar didn't get a career-ending injury I would be disappointed. The amount of crap--no, allow me to rephrase--the amount of total fucking bullshit that Lesnar was spewing was insane: "He got lucky", "I gave him that leg lock", "He beat me from his back, how more backwards can you get." Now, as an MMA fan, and I'm sure the rest of you reading this will agree when I exclaim: ARRGHHHHHGABASTARDINTHEARRAGHHAH. Ending fights from his back is exactly what Frank Mir is famous for, and you would know that if you actually deserved to be in the UFC. Frank Mir broke Tim Sylvia's arm in three places and almost broke Lesnar's leg once before. Mir is also a muay thai fighter and can knock an ass out or two, as in that amazing display against Antonia Rodrigo Nogueira. Lesnar still thinks he's getting paid to be a heel like he was in the WWE, and I'm sure even a bit when he was in the Viking's because he SUCKED.

The fight starts, and Lesnar is cautious where Mir is very relaxed. The feel each other out, with Lesnar throwing a weak leg kick early, circling for a few minutes, and then taking down Mir and proceeded to sit on him, hold his wrists, and punch him in the face some. Mir seemed relatively unphased by the whole situation until about half way through mount. The round proceeded as such until the horn, in typical Lesnar-is-boring-as-fuck fashion. The second round starts where Lesnar knocks Mir down, but then lets him back up. They exchange a bit, both kitting some alright shots, and a couple nice knees by Mir. Lesnar's foolproof "I'ma sit on you like an elephant" strategy goes back into effect with Mir almost pulling a recovery off and ends with Lesnar punching him in the face until it breaks, and then beating him in the back of the head nine times before the ref stops--no points deducted for blatently breaking a rule several times or being stood up. The crowd boos, because they know Lesnar sucks and doesn't deserve to be in the UFC. So what does our champion do? Runs around the ring, giving everyone the finger. His post-fight is retarded, saying something about sleeping with his wife and hoping we all hate him. Well, fission mucking accomplished.

That is no way for a champion to act. Furthermore, Lesnar is a slap in the face of everything that mixed martial arts is as sports entertainment. We want to be entertained. We want to have fun. We want to see people with skill achieving their goals. People who are larger, stronger, but still completely inert in talent are not fun to watch. It sucks a whole lot, even. Why see someone sitting down while another person struggles and the ref doesn't stand it up like he should when you could see technique and years of training of moving, trying to get up or get the submission or get the dominant position? I was three and one for my predictions for the night, which is a decent night for me. But Brock Lesnar is a fat-ass punk who doesn't deserve to be in the UFC, and I won't be happy until he's gone. And just because I know you're wondering, yeah, I would say that too his face and then laugh to know that if he's actually stupid enough to hit me, he will lose his entire career for it.

-Evan "Dez" O'Connor